With the recent Best Picture nomination for Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, a movie which had been critically savaged up until the nominations were announced, it seems like a good time to reflect on some of Oscars worst nominations in its most prestigious category.  Now, let me qualify my list first by saying that - although I have seen all the Best Picture winners - I have not seen every Best Picture nominee, so the list is a little front-loaded.  But seriously, who among us has seen The Smiling Lieutenant, The Lives of a Bengal Lancer, or Anthony Adverse?

 Exactly.

I am also attempting to be very fair in selecting the weakest nominees.  You  know by now of my extreme hatred for all things Eastwood, and my Eastwood-loathing pales in comparison to my all-out hatred for The Thin Red Line  (anger, I’m telling you. 14 years later and it still makes me. SO. Angry.) but I’m trying to limit my list to films which really had no business being regarded as the “best” of anything. So – here we go:

Love Story – Remember that Seinfeld episode where Elaine goes to see The English Patient and keeps yelling “just  DIE ALREADY” at the screen?  You now know what it was like to be in the room with me during my viewing of Love Story.  How anyone could care about this movie centered around two of the most annoying people on the face of the planet is beyond me.  

Doctor Dolittle – I was shocked to even learn that this movie had been nominated for Best Picture as it has been remembered so harshly by critics and audiences alike.  Sure, Rex Harrison was fresh off his My Fair Lady success and it was the 60s, when musicals were king, but this movie was so terrible it was one of the contributing factors to the demise of the whole genre.  

Field of Dreams – I know a lot of men love this movie, but remember that a favorite film isn’t the same thing as a Best Picture. Taking a pathological love for all that is baseball, Americana and your Daddy out of the equation and taking it on as a film alone, you're left with a very trite and sappy movie. It has as much reason to be nominated for Best Picture as Beaches would have (i.e. none).   And don’t even get me started that this was the same year Do the Right Thing was released.  Grumble, grumble.

Scent of a Woman – Hoo aaah!  Hoo Bingo!  The fact that this movie was nominated makes me want to take a FLAME THROWER to the academy.  Aside from the unbelievable over-acting and pathetically transparent plot, Scent of a Woman features some of the most ridiculous lines ever written.  And it tastes like Albany. If you remember liking this movie, please… watch it again and gape in horror.

Mystic River – You had to know we wouldn’t escape without any mention of Eastwood, right?  Now, I wasn’t always an Eastwood hater.  Mystic River made me one.  When it came out, it got mostly mixed reviews, but – as is often the case with Eastwood films – as awards season drew nearer, the tide started turning and the praise kept growing. I went out to see it after it was nominated so I could make up my own mind and was shocked.  Actors I admired were either wooden or waaaaay overacting, the script was plodding and the direction was so non-existent that the film barely even registered. 

Ghost – The gallery of Swayze faces alone should convince you why this might not be “best“ material. It was popular, but slight, predictable, and just plain silly. Frankly, if you need me to explain why Ghost isn't a Best Picture, you can just stop reading this right now.

The Godfather Part 3 – I’m not an enormous fan of the first two Godfather films, but I have enormous respect for them still the same, but … no…. I’m sorry.  I can’t even discuss this one rationally.  It’s is unbelievable how much Part 3 sucks.  Killer Cannoli! Joey Zaza! Kissin’ Cousins! Diabetic Seizures! George Hamilton! It’s shocking what Coppola did to his legacy in one terrible, hysterical movie. 

The Greatest Show on Earth – Oh Lord, not only did this absurd movie get nominated, it actually WON.  With characters like Buttons – a clown with a secret – and dialogue like, “You have sawdust in your veins” it’s easy to see why this is almost successful as a margarita movie.  But at two and a half hours, it puts even the most die-hard fan of bad movies to the test.  It’s just a bloated travesty filled with clown cameos.  So many clown cameos. 

Working Girl – Nothing is so awful about Working Girl, but is that what you really want from a potential “Best Picture?”  Harrison Ford seriously carries the whole she-bang with his charm in overdrive, but even that can’t elevate this slight piece of fluff to a film worthy of being recognized as one of the best anythings of any year.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? – While the message is laudable, the movie itself is laughable.  Strong performances from Sidney Poitier, Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy still hold up, but almost everything else in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner does not.  It is so trapped in its own time period that it’s pretty painful to watch.

Dishonorable mentions: The Towering Inferno, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Blind Side, The Green Mile, Crash, The Reader, The Cider House Rules